Archive
Rejected Yankee Candles
I didn’t “start” the trending topic on Twitter, but here are my #RejectedYankeeCandles from days of yore…
Rejected Yankee Candles:
• Month-old Feta
• Garlic Hummus & Pita
• Spam Filter
• SoCal Swamp Cooler
• Bud Lite Platinum
• Tomb Essence
—
єaяƒ ʕ•̮͡•ʔ dæ (@earfdae) May 19, 2012
Rejected Yankee Candle Scents:
• Google
• Yahoo!
• Lulu.com
• eBay
• cuteoverload
—
єaяƒ ʕ•̮͡•ʔ dæ (@earfdae) May 19, 2012
Rejected Yankee Candle Scents:
• Uvula
• Fingernail
• Thumb joint
• Earlobe
• Frenulum linguae
—
єaяƒ ʕ•̮͡•ʔ dæ (@earfdae) May 20, 2012
Rejected Yankee Candle Scents:
• The Code of Hammurabi
• Magna Carta
• The Diary of Anne Frank
• Gulliver's Travels
• Form 1040EZ
—
єaяƒ ʕ•̮͡•ʔ dæ (@earfdae) May 20, 2012
Rejected Yankee Candle Scents:
• Horse Hair
• Pleather Manpurse
• Thawed Frozen Yogurt
• Transmission Fluid
• External Hard Drive
—
єaяƒ ʕ•̮͡•ʔ dæ (@earfdae) May 22, 2012
Rejected Yankee Candle Scents:
• Used Ketchup
• Gameboy
• Salted Sock
• Carl's Jr. Booth
• Dvorák Keyboard
—
єaяƒ ʕ•̮͡•ʔ dæ (@earfdae) May 22, 2012
The one that broke into my Favstar Top page…
Rejected Yankee Candle Scents:
• Taco
• Halibut with Lime
• Rail of Coke
• Macy's credit card
• Carbon credits
—
єaяƒ ʕ•̮͡•ʔ dæ (@earfdae) May 25, 2012
More…
Rejected Yankee Candle Scents:
• MS Outlook 2007
• Frito pie with biscuit crust
• Raincoat
• 1977 Toyota Corolla wagon
• Brick
—
єaяƒ ʕ•̮͡•ʔ dæ (@earfdae) May 25, 2012
Rejected Yankee Candle Scents:
• @pattonoswalt
• @robdelaney
• @marcmaron
• Unsalted slow-churned butter
• @cool_pond
—
єaяƒ ʕ•̮͡•ʔ dæ (@earfdae) May 25, 2012
Rejected Memorial Day theme'd Yankee Candle Scents:
• Hot dog
• Deviled eggs
• Potato salad that's been sitting in the sun since 11am
—
єaяƒ ʕ•̮͡•ʔ dæ (@earfdae) May 28, 2012
Rejected Yankee Candle Scents:
• Bud Platinum
• Pico de Gallo
• Commercial real estate lease
• Mismatched socks
• Tori Amos B# piano string
—
єaяƒ ʕ•̮͡•ʔ dæ (@earfdae) June 06, 2012
Rejected Yankee Candle Scents:
• Prison-grade Salisbury steak
• 1200 thread count bed sheets
• Kirkland-brand 10W30 motor oil
• Matlock
—
єaяƒ ʕ•̮͡•ʔ dæ (@earfdae) June 06, 2012
Rejected Yankee Candle Scents:
• Nairobi hip scarf
• "walking the dog"
• Twinkie wrapper
• Burning Man yurt
• Wax incased in a glass holder
—
єaяƒ ʕ•̮͡•ʔ dæ (@earfdae) June 09, 2012
Rejected Yankee Candle Scents:
• Facebook
• Phish fans
• IT policies & procedures manual
• Tweens texting
• Visiting Sudanese delegate
—
єaяƒ ʕ•̮͡•ʔ dæ (@earfdae) June 09, 2012
Rejected Yankee Candle Scents:
• Butts
• Lots of butts
• Seriously, like, TONS of butts
• So many butts it's a crime
• Lavender-blueberry bu
—
єaяƒ ʕ•̮͡•ʔ dæ (@earfdae) June 12, 2012
Rejected Yankee Candle Scents:
• Vegan work boots
• TiVo playback
• Overpriced rum cocktail
• Hertz additional insurance
• Lobster corndog
—
єaяƒ ʕ•̮͡•ʔ dæ (@earfdae) June 15, 2012
Rejected Yankee Candle Scents:
• Rob Delaney hotel key card
• Dead Poets Society script rewrite
• Auntie Anne's employee W-2
• Ions (-)
—
єaяƒ ʕ•̮͡•ʔ dæ (@earfdae) June 15, 2012
Rejected Yankee Candle Scents:
• Beer convention
• 5 o'clock stubble
• Paper umbrella
• Used gum, fruit flavored
• New gum (packaging only)
—
єaяƒ ʕ•̮͡•ʔ dæ (@earfdae) June 23, 2012
Rejected Yankee Candle Scents:
• Pasta strainer
• Parking ticket
• StubHub log-in credentials
• Flat rate shipping
• Vanilla sturgeon
—
єaяƒ ʕ•̮͡•ʔ dæ (@earfdae) June 23, 2012
Rejected Yankee Candle Scents:
• Flaming Young
• Mind Grains
• Angles on Your Shoulder
• Drakkar Colon
• Big Duck
• Collage Gradjewit
—
єaяƒ ʕ•̮͡•ʔ dæ (@earfdae) July 12, 2012
Rejected Yankee Candle Scents:
• Manual RTs
• Favstar notifications
• Hashtag games
• Turn off RTs button
• Poor productivity at work
—
єaяƒ ʕ•̮͡•ʔ dæ (@earfdae) July 17, 2012
Rejected Yankee Candle Scents:
• Popular movie reboot
• Popular movie turned into tv
• Popular tv turned into movie
• Popular board game tur
—
єaяƒ ʕ•̮͡•ʔ dæ (@earfdae) August 01, 2012
Rejected Yankee Candle Scents:
• Stress ball with company logo
• 3" x 5" card, college ruled
• Oscillating fan
• Fax confirmation printout
—
єaяƒ ʕ•̮͡•ʔ dæ (@earfdae) August 08, 2012
Approved JURASSIC PARK Yankee Candle Scents:
• Sam Neill (boots, leather, eggs)
• Jeff Goldblum (salt, calculator)
• Laura Dern (scrunchi
—
єaяƒ ʕ•̮͡•ʔ dæ (@earfdae) August 22, 2012
Rejected Yankee Candle Scents:
• SMDH
• Roasted Watermelon on Oak Chips
• DGAF
• Modern Family/Burger King 4-piece juice tumbler set
—
єaяƒ ʕ•̮͡•ʔ dæ (@earfdae) September 01, 2012
Rejected Yankee Candle Scents:
• French press, but Starbucks
• used Lilith Fair press pass
• frothy @ reply
• A Rob Delaney Fav (but not RT)
—
єaяƒ ʕ•̮͡•ʔ dæ (@earfdae) November 09, 2012
Rejected Yankee Candle Scents:
• Fall sitcom replacement, NBC
• script for Shrek sequel
• man-on-the-street interviewer
• empty chafing dish
—
єaяƒ ʕ•̮͡•ʔ dæ (@earfdae) November 09, 2012
Rejected Yankee Candle Scents:
• Donald Trump's private bathroom key
• quince & foot bridge
• bronzer, aged in pinot barrel
• hurricane gust
—
єaяƒ ʕ•̮͡•ʔ dæ (@earfdae) November 09, 2012
And some Arrested Development-themed ones…
Rejected Yankee Candle Scents:
• Go get a Gob!
• Banana stand money
• Loose seal
• The C-word
• Caw-Ca-Caw-Ca-Caw
• Pop-pop
• Kissin' cousin
—
єaяƒ ʕ•̮͡•ʔ dæ (@earfdae) November 29, 2012
Rejected Yankee Candle Scents:
• ILLUSION candle
• NO TOUCHING!
• Never nude
• Oh my god, it's a fire… sale
• Buy curious
• Blew yourself
—
єaяƒ ʕ•̮͡•ʔ dæ (@earfdae) November 29, 2012
Rejected Yankee Candle Scents:
• Hop ons
• Making a horrible mistake
• Marinating a chicken
• Saddam's floor plan
• Vertigo
• Hot Cops
—
єaяƒ ʕ•̮͡•ʔ dæ (@earfdae) November 29, 2012
And more…
Enjoy!
~Dan (@earfdae)
REVIEW: David Cross @ Newmark Theatre (Portland, OR – 9/25/09)
David Cross is on a little fall tour to promote his new book, I Drink For a Reason. You may know him from Mr Show with Bob & David, or as Tobias Fünke on Arrested Development (i.e.- the best television show of all-time), or his stand-up specials, or a glut of parts in television and movies.
(David Cross as Tobias Fünke was one of the best character pieces with laugh-out-loud antics in about every moment he was on screen).
I was just at the Newmark for another comedian, Patton Oswalt. Unlike the Patton show, though, this show wasn’t general admission. Yay! We got to our seats ( fairly close up). The show began not too long after.
The opener was Todd Glass. He only did about 15 minutes, but was pretty damn funny. He jumped around a lot in material, but I guess with only 15 minutes, you have to get as much in as possible.
David came out around 8:45pm and started off with a song about tearing Portland a new asshole that morphed into the jokes he was going to tell us, which wouldn’t involve any cosmonaut jokes… which, of course, ended with a cosmonaut joke.
David, of course, touched on religion, politics, and drugs. My favorite bits were scattered all about. His mom making yogurt… from yogurt was pretty funny. The bit on the horror porn was hilarious. He did make a good point – what’s the reason for horror porn? To scare the cum out of you?
One of the better parts of the night was when he called out a sign language guy for signing words that didn’t exist. The “deaf guy interloper” was part of the show, a friend of David’s; however at first, the audience didn’t know. When David said “Gallileo,” the guy signed the motions for looking through a looking glass. It looked so odd that David said it again about 3 times… then David started saying words like “ridonkulous” to see what the sign language would be. It all ended with David calling him out and telling him to leave (“deaf guy” showed up later as a “live blogger interloper” during the set).
The bit about Scientology and Mormonism was also pretty funny. We’ll see how that goes next week in Salt Lake City. :) Some of his other humor was a little bit over the line (re: hassidic jews, etc), but that’s what you get with David Cross. He ended with a joke on crazy things to buy (i.e.- SkyMall crap). The focus on the “time mug” was pretty hilarious.
After 90 quality minutes David left the stage… but then came back out shortly for a quick movie encore… he played 3 and a half minutes (all that was legally allowed) of his upcoming UK television series directed by Spike Jonze, The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret. It looks pretty damn brilliant. Anytime you have Spike Jonze involved, it’s got good potential. Arrested Development alum Will Arnett was also in it. We’ll likely not get it on this sided of the pond, until it hits DVD.
The Appropriate Linkage:
- David Cross’s Wiki (including Filmography)
- Todd Glass on MySpace
- Newmark Theatre / PCPA
~Dan – np: Faith No More – The Real Thing
David Cross’s Tour Dates
September 2009
24 & 25 – Portland, Ore. @ The Newmark Theatre
27 – Vancouver, B.C. @ Vancouver Comedy Festival
28 – Salt Lake City, Utah @ In The Venue
29 – Denver, Colo. @ Paramount Theatre
30 – Kansas City, Mo. @ Midland Theatre
3 – Milwaukee, Wisc. @ Riverside Theatre
4 – Chicago, Ill. @ Congress Theatre
5 – Minneapolis, Minn. @ State Theatre
7 – Durham, N.C. @ Carolina Theatre of Durham
9 – Munhall, Pa. @ Carnegie Music Hall of Homestead
10 – Morgantown, W.V. @ University of West Virginia
11 – Columbus, Ohio @ Capitol Theatre
13 – Ann Arbor, Mich. @ Michigan Theatre
14 – Austin, Texas @ Paramount Theater
16 – Dallas, Texas @ Lakewood Theater
17 – Atlanta, Ga. @ Tabernacle
19 – Boston, Mass. @ Wilbur Theater
20 – Philadelphia, Pa. @ Merriam Theater
21 – Washington, D.C. @ Warner Theater
Get Cross…
David Cross was playing at the Newmark Theatre in Portland, OR, on a day that I already had local Eugene plans (Th, Sep 24 – Raquy and the Cavemen). Well, David’s show sold out so fast that they added a 2nd show the next night (Fri, Sep 25)… yay! Needless to say, I already blue my tickets this morning.
For your own 2nd Portland David Cross show tickets… GO HERE.
This is going to be two weeks in a row with four shows on consecutive nights… batch 1 (Sept 15-19): Porcupine Tree & That1Guy / Wynton Marsalis / Sunny Day Real Estate / Jacob Fred Jazz Odyssey (well, JFJO is a maybe as it’s the same day as PDX VegFest and we’re volunteering there early in the day), and then batch 2 (Sep 24-27): Raquy & the Cavemen / David Cross / Alice in Chains / Works Progress Administration (with Glen Phillips & Nickelcreek folks).
I wouldn’t have it any… other… way. I do have a feeling that my concert reviews will suffer a backlog. Anyway, I’ll take photos on shows I am able…
Hey, Brother.
From Paste who got it from MSNBC’s Keith Olberman… an Arrested Development movie per Jason Bateman “it’s in the works… the grown-ups are trying to work out the numbers.” The source (& video) with Jason Bateman & David Cross is here over at the Paste blog.
Back in December 2007, it was merely a rumor. Now it’s gettin’ better than a rumor… yay!
~Dan – np: Bobby Previte & New Bump – Set the Alarm for Monday